Vanessa’s Birth Story: A Hospital HypnoBirth® with Special Guest Aly Romot (Part 2 of 2)
In this episode of the Breath & Birth Co podcast, Vanessa shares her personal pregnancy and birth story in detail. Joined by HypnoBirthing® teacher and Birth Doula, Aly Romot, they reflect on Vanessa's labor experience, including her unique challenges and the importance of informed consent. They also touch on key recommendations for navigating pregnancy and birth with confidence and empowerment. Throughout the episode, they reveal the significance of choosing the right care provider and birth setting. The conversation closes on a reflective note about the transformative power of birth work and the enduring bonds formed between doulas and birthing individuals.
“ I reached down and felt his hair… it was this huge oxytocin rush and I was complete within minutes.”
- Vanessa Bauman
🔑 3 Key Takeaways:
Advocacy is Crucial: Vanessa's story emphasizes advocating for your birth preferences and the impact of having a supportive team, including doulas who honor and amplify your voice.
Informed Decisions Matter: Making informed choices, especially regarding interventions and birth preferences, is vital. Vanessa's experience with decisions like IUPC and Pitocin highlights the importance of understanding your options.
Provider Choice Makes a Difference: Selecting care providers and birthing locations that align with your values and preferences can substantially impact your birth experience.
Mentioned in This Episode:
I mention watching our wedding video during labor as a means to increase natural oxytocin flow (the love hormone). Here is our “infamous” wedding video filmed and produced by Matt Keifer of MK Wedding Story, which also gives you insight to who I am as a person, wife, friend, daughter, sister, etc. We watch it annually on our anniversary, and the soundtrack plays frequently in our home as some of our favorite music. The Explosions in the Sky song? Yup, I created an entire Pandora station for labor around it.
Arriving at the Hospital: The Start of a Complex Journey
Vanessa's journey began as she arrived at the hospital, four centimeters dilated and determined to advocate for a natural, unmedicated birth despite the high intervention system she was in. With the support of her birth doula, Aly Romot, Vanessa navigated each step, from requesting minimal monitoring to making informed decisions about interventions like the intrauterine pressure catheter (IUPC).
Facing Unusual Circumstances with Informed Decisions
What stood out in Vanessa's labor was the unusual absence of pain up to around nine centimeters dilation, a phenomenon her doula Aly highlighted as very rare. We suspect this was a blend of more than a decades worth of endo pain-coping and literal nerve damage from her endometriosis and/or excision surgery. This peculiarity led to decisions such as opting for an IUPC to measure the intensity of contractions she couldn't feel and eventually consenting to low-dose Pitocin amid concerns about unnecessary interventions.
The Role of Advocacy and Support
As the birth progressed, Vanessa faced a challenging moment when asked to shift positions by an unfamiliar OB. This moment underscored the importance of advocacy and the critical role doulas play in supporting a birthing person's choices. Aly's presence and words empowered Vanessa to make an informed decision, even in the face of pressure from medical staff.
Embracing Every Part of the Journey
Reflecting on the birth, Vanessa and Aly discussed crucial topics like provider choice, the significance of informed consent, and understanding available options. Despite the hurdles, Vanessa saw her birth as redemptive, empowering, and a crucial part of her life's journey, influencing her role as a doula and childbirth educator today.
Connect with Aly
🌿 Want to connect with Aly or learn more about her services?
Aly Romot is a Certified Birth Doula, Certified Lactation Counselor, Body Ready Method® Pro, and Birth Photographer. Aly teaches HypnoBirthing® and Evidence-Based Birth® childbirth education classes in Columbus, OH.
You can find her @alyromotdoula or check out her offerings on her website.
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📲 Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear this so they don’t feel so alone.
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00:00 Introduction to the Podcast
00:47 Recap of Previous Episode
02:02 Arrival at the Hospital
03:19 Labor Progress and Monitoring
06:32 Decisions and Interventions
09:12 Oxytocin Boost and Emotional Moments
12:10 Pitocin and Active Labor
17:29 Transition and Pushing
25:55 Birth and Immediate Postpartum
28:09 Reflecting on a Difficult Moment
29:06 Empowering Birth Choices
33:09 Choosing the Right Provider
34:09 The Importance of Midwifery Care
36:02 The Placenta Experience
39:43 Post-Birth Reflections
44:28 Informed Consent and Birth Choices
47:42 Doula Reflections and Experiences
54:28 The Bond Between Doulas and Clients
57:33 Closing Thoughts and Farewell
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Vanessa: Welcome to the Breath and Birth co podcast. I'm Vanessa, a hospital-based DONA- international certified birth doula, and passionate childbirth educator. I love to merge the power of your intuition with the precision of modern medicine to help you navigate pregnancy and birth your way. Each week, we kick off with Monday meditations to bring calm and connection to your pregnancy.
Then we build your confidence through insights, birth stories, and care provider perspectives during thoughtful Thursdays. Ready to feel supported, informed, and empowered. Hit subscribe to the Breath and Birth Code podcast today and let's embark on this transformational journey together. As a reminder, any information shared here is not medical advice.
For more details, visit breath and birth code.com/disclaimer.
Okay, so in episode 32, I shared my pregnancy story with special guest Allie Oma, who was our with special guest, Allie, who is our hypnobirthing teacher and birth doula. We left off that episode right as Brian and I arrived at the hospital. So today's episode will take us all the way through rets birth and immediate postpartum period.
And it's so interesting to reflect on my own birth, knowing what I know now as the birth doula and childbirth educator. So some of these, uh, some of how we were talking through things, uh, during. At some points talking through the laboring process, what was really difficult for me to recall was the timeline of things and the order in which things happened.
It is still kind of a blur in my mind, and so we actually looked back at Ally's notes on the birth from years ago, which was really helpful for me. Um. And over the years I've processed everything that's happened. But again, recalling these things, it's just really interesting to reflect on. So, um, yeah, we'll, we'll discuss some tricky moments as well as some really unique experiences I had.
Let's dive back in. So we've arrived at the hospital, confirmed my waters had ruptured. I'm four c, I'm four centimeters dilated, and we're staying. And we're staying at the hospital, so they're transferring us from triage into a room of our own.
Vanessa: And this was something else that we did and I recommend doing is when we got there, we expressed our want for a natural unmedicated birth. And a nurse that was experienced and, you know, supported that.
Especially again, knowing this hospital system and the high intervention rates, that was important to us. And so we got to the room. We did have a really sweet first nurse. I remember we got settled in, I, I walked so many laps around that hospital.
We definitely, we only did intermittent monitoring. Like the bare minimum that they would allow. I was doing all the different positions. I was up and moving around. I remember doing like stool steps and trying to go, like, as far as they would let me go on the l and d floor around.
And at a certain point, because I wasn't feeling anything, but the monitors were picking up contractions, we had started to talk about an IUPC. So that's an intrauterine pressure catheter. So standard over the belly monitors, they can measure frequency, but don't, uh, measure intensity as well.
Aly Romot (she/her): Mm-hmm.
Vanessa: And so what the IUPC can do is it's basically inserted in, it's considered in an intervention. And it gives you that intensity reading and they say it's too basically, you know, see how productive these contractions are being at the time, I felt like, again, I'm a very data-driven person. I was starting to doubt, not that I was having contractions, but like I knew, I dunno, it was just so crazy to me that I couldn't feel anything and we're watching the monitor.
And even when you got there, by the time you got there, I think I had the IUPC in already or is that in your notes? That that was after you got there?
Aly Romot (she/her): I think you had it in, I don't remember you getting it in, and I think it's worth mentioning like your labor was very unusual that you did not feel anything until you were nine centimeters and plus one. this is very, very non-typical.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): If someone's water ruptures at home and it's clear and odorless and we have good baby movement the birthing person can make the decision to wait for labor to begin if that is the case.
And I think it's also worth bringing up, like those, those prenatal cervical checks that everyone is offered
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Not
Aly Romot (she/her): evidence-based. So like it fills us with some information that makes us like think. Right.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): like, I'm already three centimeters, but like. You know, it still took us how many
Vanessa: Over a week. Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): right?
To, to, so like labor equals intensity equals change.
Vanessa: Right.
Aly Romot (she/her): For anyone listening and you get your 36 week appointment and they wanna put fingers in you and you're like, question it. Why is there a medical reason to go through this discomfort? Our cervixes are at that point, posterior, they're meant to be.
We're not in labor. And so there can be really more uncomfortable checks, which can lead to a lot of fear going into your labor, where you might want to consent to a check to see where you are when you're actually in labor . right. So, you know, I had a, a client earlier this year who took Hypnobirthing and one of our good friends, Fadia was her doula.
And she walked around at five centimeters for two weeks and she was taking hypnobirthing. So she come in, I let them check me, I'm five centimeters, and everyone's like, we won't see you next. And she kept coming back to class. She walked around on five centimeters for, I mean, it was definitely more than two weeks. So, you know, these are things that your doctors though are like not gonna tell you, right? They might make that cervical check feel necessary or part of your prenatal care when in fact, it's actually just culturally, it's culturally what we do. Now if someone has a history of a short cervix and like there's, there's actual reason, but we have options. So keep, keep going.
But yeah. IUPC will actually tell us the strength of the waves and it gives information like doctors, like data too, right? So if your water's broken or if you let me break your water, then I can stick this little, um, to up into your vaginal canal, into your cervix and up there, and then I can see how strong your waves are and how often they're coming.
And I can get better information if maybe I wanna offer you more intervention like the pitcoin. Are these waves not strong enough? So sometimes this is a great idea, right? And, and sometimes it is unnecessary and we just needed to wait and give mom time and maybe she needed a nap or sleep.
Vanessa: Yeah. Yes.
Aly Romot (she/her): these are good education things, right?
Vanessa: Yeah, absolutely. So thank you too for circling back and emphasizing the fact that this is not normal, to not feel these things, but that it it was a factor in making these decisions for myself and being like giving fully informed consent was, that was the factor that was like, I want to know too, like, am I, are these, I don't know.
It just was a very weird sensation to know that everybody else, like we were seeing it on the, the screen that they were happening. And the only way that I knew was by like physically palpating my belly
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah, it,
Vanessa: from the outside.
Aly Romot (she/her): I've, I've still have not another client who has not felt their waves the way you didn't feel, your waves. You are completely normal like you and I are right now, and. I'm almost at, I've almost attended 200 births now. Like I've never had it happen again. And you were the, you know, the second.
Vanessa: Yeah. And so anyway, so yeah, so we got the I-U-P-C in and then eventually, so when you got there, yeah. It, it must have been that five or six mark.
Aly Romot (she/her): Yep.
Vanessa: we were like, okay, I think we're starting to get into more active labor again. I still couldn't feel anything though. So it was just really like, do we call her?
Do we not, we don't want her sitting here forever. Well, spoiler alert, she did sit there forever, bless her heart. But we were starting to feel that pressure I think is ultimately why we wanted you to come in. And needing that help with just having the conversations and being reminded of the questions to ask and feeling empowered to like, say no to things.
And eventually, and this is again where some of these conversations, it's all a jumbled timeline in my head, but I know at one point we, Dr. Mini was at the hospital, I think I'm assuming for another surgery or delivery or something. She stopped in the room
Aly Romot (she/her): I have a note of that.
Vanessa: before, she left the hospital and
Aly Romot (she/her): That
Vanessa: had a great conversation.
What, what do your notes say about that?
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah, so, so I got there. I said, I'm excited to be here. I dimmed the lights, so I don't know what was going on before then. Put the twinkle lights up. We did some positioning, walking. We did light touch, massage, sideline, release, a lot of, encouraging bathroom breaks. , Let's,
Vanessa: We tried nipple stim at some point in the bathroom. Brian and I.
Aly Romot (she/her): gave them space.
They did nipple stimulation. Nurses calling OB to update at 6:00 AM We talked about Pitocin, what it looks like. I kept praising good progress at like, this was normal. We did another round of, as a sideline release and we did throne position. Let's see, nine 40 you had acce decided to accept the Pitocin, or around 8:00 AM you decided to accept that Pitocin.
Vanessa: So let's pause there and talk about that, because that was such a huge, I don't know, crossroads I started to fear the cascade of interventions. Like, okay I agreed to the IUPC. Now we're talking Pitocin, and it was that 24 hour clock that they were pushing on us of your water's been broken for at that point, if that was 8:00 AM
Aly Romot (she/her): Like,
Vanessa: it was almost 24 hours, so they were starting.
I remember the conversation being, if you don't make progress.
Aly Romot (she/her): yeah.
Vanessa: By that non-evidence based 24 hour mark. We may need to start talking C-section, which of course threw me in a tailspin. And I was like, well, I don't want that, but I also know that I don't want Pitocin at all,
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah.
Vanessa: but I didn't want the C-section and I knew that my case was really abnormal where I wasn't feeling anything.
And I feared other interventions too.
Aly Romot (she/her): It's good to say, Vanessa, like there is no 24 hour rule on your water
Vanessa: yeah,
Aly Romot (she/her): to needing a c-section or having interventions.
Vanessa: of in infection, like
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah.
Vanessa: you are not showing signs of fever.
Aly Romot (she/her): yeah.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): more likely to climb if we have fingers inside us a lot.
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): can we get a fever and start, get an infection quickly once our waters are broken?
Sometimes it happens, right? But sometimes it never happens and so it's something we monitor. But there is no 24 hour rule like there used to be in our history where if your water broke, if you didn't have that baby within 24 hours, you wore a C-section. That does not exist. But unfortunately the clock and just the does exist.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): it will pressure people to do things.
Vanessa: Yeah. And so after a long discussion, which this is really where Aly became integral into allowing us to have space to discuss too. We, I think we discussed as a group of three. You, me and Brian.
Aly Romot (she/her): Yep.
Vanessa: You left the room, took a break. I think you got food. You met my parents and his parents down in the lobby for a little bit.
We cried it out, um, and ended up deciding at that point. That I would consent to Pitocin. It was a very, very difficult decision, but that we would advocate for like low and slow.
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah.
Vanessa: And do you have in your notes what we started? It ended at.
Aly Romot (she/her): You, I mean, you, you were, I think two by two, let me see. Pitocin drip at two. So I'm assuming you were two by two by nine 40. It was at six. You were still, I wrote, she's laughing, talking. Joyful felt one contraction at the top of her belly. Conversation light and laughing. We're now leaning over the ball. Um, then you took a nap for an hour, so you clearly really weren't feeling anything. So then I wrote your Pitocin at was at 12. And so what we're talking about when we're saying the Pitocin at two, we're talking about it's titrated and just like a little here, a little, little less in time.
Let me get my. Yeah, my uterus. Okay. So, you know, Vanessa's uterus has got these little receiving hairs, right? These little receivers, think about like antennas and they're here and they're like looking for all the labor hormones to be like, Hey, are we supposed to be doing something? And then we send in pit and the pitocin iss like, you wanna talk with me uterus?
And your uterus was like, nah, not really. And so increasing titrating that Pitocin till the uterus finally said, okay, I hear you. I'll, I'll play ball with you. So everyone's Pitocin level that they need, whether it's two or 20, is different based on like, is your uterus receiving and accepting? this intervention, this medicine this synthetic oxytocin.
So , back to your notes, you were at a 12 and the biggest change here you made at 1130 was you were now almost seven centimeters. You were 80% effaced, which is kind of where you were, but you were at zero station. So like little baby Rhett had moved down considerably. We were doing lots of pee breaks, and trying to sit there. We did, I wrote doula massage. We changed positions to the ball and Brian was massaging you. You still felt no discomfort. And that was my note at 1250. And then at 3:00 PM you were seven 80 plus one, which I'm assuming seven 80 plus one. There must have been some cap it or something there. Just knowing what I know now, I'm guessing, but this is where I wrote Dr.
Mini stopped by and, the nurse checked you when Dr. Mini stepped by. You mentioned that this check was very uncomfortable. You were starting to feel nauseous and you were by then just drinking water. And yeah, this is, that's where you were.
Vanessa: Okay. Um,
Aly Romot (she/her): PM things started to transition.
Vanessa: and I remember too. When I started getting nauseous and puking, I remember at least one, if not two nurses ran in and were like, you're there. You transition. Like it was like everybody was celebrating because it was like, oh my God, she feels something.
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah, it's like 3:00 PM and then 3 45 I wrote. She got sick again, cold washcloth, rubbing your back, um, 5:00 PM doing mid pelvis solution stuff. She, I wrote, Vanessa is willing to try it all. I said I referred to my spinning babies training and we were doing shaking the apple tree and a diagonal lunge. And then by six o'clock you were eight 90 plus one. So you had, you know, dilated nicely. Let's see. Um, I called the nurse. The nurse checked you because you had mentioned feeling like you went to the bathroom and you felt the urge to push maybe poop, which is funny, like reading this now because, you know, a hundred and whatever bursts in if, if my first time mom, my pri it is saying like, Hey, feel a little pushy on the toilet.
Like, I'm, gonna let you be a little pushy on the toilet. Like, not pushy, but like you're feeling poopy is like, great, then let's just stay here. We don't need to be checked. We don't need to, like, you're not gonna pop out a baby in the toilet at that point. It's not constant pressure. I'm not seeing spreading labia like, you know, I know now.
Like I didn't really probably have to call that nurse. And it's interesting to see like even how I've changed, like, like even seeing your birth story and yeah, just
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): I'm reading it too. So.
Vanessa: Um, yeah, and I, remember, so I feel like I was at eight or nine centimeters for what felt like a while, but in retrospect now hearing this timeline, it probably wasn't a long time, but just longer than 'cause he was born
Aly Romot (she/her): Uh,
Vanessa: eight,
Aly Romot (she/her): um, he was born at eight.
. Eight twenty five.
Vanessa: Oh, 8 25. Okay. Yeah. 8 25. 8 26.
Aly Romot (she/her): So
Vanessa: Okay.
Aly Romot (she/her): six o'clock you were eight centimeters. At seven you were nine, a hundred plus one. And you allowed them to check your cervix. And this is where you began feeling your waves. This is when
Vanessa: Yes.
Aly Romot (she/her): started using your hypnobirthing breathing techniques. \, It became the time where we were doing counter pressure on your lower back and your hips,
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): you were really flowing with your body. And like, now you, now you were an average, you know, mammalian, active using your vocals per like laboring person. This is where Vanessa finally went, oh, I'm so, like, I can feel this labor.
And I remember like, it was just me, you, and Brian in the room, and you were up over the, the bed like, you know, like on your knees, but like resting over the top of the bed. We were doing, um, basically because there's two of us, we could do, a hip squeeze on either side. And I just remember it being like so beautiful because there was, it was just the twinkle lights.
It was dark
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): by this point as we were kind of like going into the evening after dinner and you're just rocking your body. And him and I are just, we're just like flowing with you and none of us are talking. We're just one wave at a time. And like that was where you were. And I mean, gosh, that was, that was seven o'clock.
Vanessa: See, and this is where it felt so long, because I remember being really defeated. They must have checked me again and I was still nine I
Aly Romot (she/her): I don't,
Vanessa: or something like I was feeling the fetal ejection reflex I, and I wasn't fully complete or something because I remember you said, do you want to reach down and touch his head?
He's right there. And that I always tear up. Remembering this. 'cause I feel like that was a pivotal moment that like, oh yeah, I can do that. And I felt his hair and I never envisioned him having a full head of hair. And I was like, oh my God. One, he's right there. Two, he has hair. So it just like immediately like changed my visualization of like what he would look like coming out.
Aly Romot (she/her): was.
Vanessa: it was like this huge oxytocin rush
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah,
Vanessa: I was 10. I was complete within, I don't know,
Aly Romot (she/her): you, so
Vanessa: probably minutes.
Aly Romot (she/her): I wrote you, you're, you, we, you, can you I said basically crowning. Um,
Vanessa: Yeah. And then so then it became, and again, this is from my perspective and I would love to hear yours.
Aly Romot (she/her): yeah. Yep.
Vanessa: was like all of a sudden I was having that fetal ejection reflex. Like you said, I was on my knees, um, draped over the back of the bed
Aly Romot (she/her): I.
Vanessa: and I was like, he's coming. He was crowning. And everybody was like, the doctor's not here.
Hold on. And I was like, I can't. And then of course, the only. OB in the practice that I had not met before. It was not Dr. Mini like classic story,
Aly Romot (she/her): Yep.
Vanessa: reason I stayed with the practice to begin with. And she walked in and was like, you gotta be on your back.
Aly Romot (she/her): This, this is a
Vanessa: And
Aly Romot (she/her): a huge like point for me,
Vanessa: yes, and I would say, like I was telling you earlier, I feel very good about my birth. I feel fully processed. I say that my birth was so redemptive and empowering to me. If there was one thing I could choose to change, it would probably be that moment, but, but it's still amazing to me because I remember you looking directly into my eyes and saying, you do not need to do this.
Are you sure you want to do this? And I said, yes. And you were like, are you sure? And you kept asking. And I just remember getting to the point where it was like I was so defeated and I just wanted him out of me that like, I was like, okay, we'll try it. And I remember being more fearful of like, literally I felt like I was going to pass out and I was just more fearful of like being, I was all tangled and like trying to get me around on my back and I was like, I just don't know if I can physically do it right now.
Because he was, it was a fetal ejection reflex. Like he was crowning basically at that point. And when someone just walks in and tells you to stop doing what you're doing to flip on your back so that you can birth in a way that is easier for them to manage you because they're not fully experienced in what it looks like.
Yeah, exactly. What it looks like to birth physiologically and in a more upright position that is more conducive to the pelvic position and gravity and everything. So, yeah, so I did turn on my back. We somehow got me untangled and on my back and I just remember like my hips felt like they were popping onto place.
I remember feeling the ring of fire. Oh, we did bring the mirror down too. So two things around that I did want to see, which for me was very empowering, seeing the progress of my pushes through the mirror. Some people are not into that. Some people don't like it 'cause it is like baby comes out and then goes back in for a little bit.
Aly Romot (she/her): I think it
Vanessa: So that can, that can feel defeating too. But for me it was helpful.
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah.
Vanessa: and I just, if I was in a moment, I, you know, closed my eyes or just didn't look at the mirror, but like, when I needed it, I could look up and it was there. And I don't remember, do you remember how many times I pushed? Do you have that in your notes?
It felt like, again, to me forever, because it was a very uncomfortable position there. I felt so natural in the upright over the back of the bed. Like I thought he was already birthed at that point, basically.
Aly Romot (she/her): I mean, you birthed him 10 minutes after the OB arrived, so it really, it, it, it couldn't have been that many. I mean, maybe two, like
Vanessa: Yeah. I remember, I, I remember feeling the ring of fire and holding back and then the next one, I think I was just like, just power through and he was out. So yeah, I feel like it had to have been at least two or three. And then he came out, they put him on my chest. I was very, very like shaky. I feel like, like the adrenaline at that point.
And I remember, I don't know if it was you or a nurse or somebody was like, like, okay, stop shaking so much.
Aly Romot (she/her): I don't remember that.
Vanessa: And I don't know that that's what they said, but like that's in my memory, was like, oh yeah, yeah. I'm shaking him right now. Um,
Aly Romot (she/her): I, I wanna stop you before you start talking about the moment you meet your son. 'cause I wanna go back to that encounter with the ob. I think it's
Vanessa: yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): hard, hard topic.
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): I remember her face distinctively and. From my point of view, it was the three of us.
I'm assuming the nurse was in the room with me. And you and Brian at this time when we're seesawing the hip squeezes, but I don't remember them being there. And the OB walked in. She did not say hello. She just kind of stood, popped a hip and said, you need to turn over on your back. I was taught a doula that, and, and I learned really quickly that this was wrong. like I don't advocate for clients. In my original doula training, I was told that I don't advocate for clients. That is not the case. That is absolutely false. And that's why it was like, know, Vanessa, you did a wonderful job in that moment of birthing, saying, I don't wanna flip over. And she coerced you and. And I have a lot of guilt of staying silent and not realizing I could have said like, she's not moving or is there another OB that will support her in this hands and knees position? Thank you. And said like, you know, if I had known more right, that there was probably other obs sitting out there who are just on call for the hospital, that probably could have come in and just been absolutely fabulous for that. And I'll never forget her face and she said, I can't protect your perineum if you birth and knees. She said that, I wrote it down.
Vanessa: Yep.
Aly Romot (she/her): I cannot prevent a tear on hands and knees. That's what she said. I wrote, I felt sad inside. One, it's like a really sad thing because I cherish you and you're a friend, and, and, and I do, I feel like I, like, you know, I could have been more for you in that moment.
It's like really hard. And also it was a huge learning thing that like, was the last time I will never not speak up to someone of power walking in them controlling someone else's birth. And that's put me in a lot of sticky situations before speaking up for people. But like that is part of my job. If I could remember that obs name, I, I would hope that she has retired if she cannot figure out physiological birth with people on hands and knees. Um, and so yeah, that's how I feel about that moment.
Vanessa: Well, thank you for circling back to that because, and for sharing your perspective, I'm sorry that you carry guilt for that as a doula myself, I also understand though that like those moments are teaching moments and that that has fueled the way that you doula today and just know that part of what was empowering for me in that moment, even though I did turn to my back, was again, you might not have spoken to her directly, but you looked me dead in the eyes
Aly Romot (she/her): I know.
Vanessa: and said several times, are you sure you do not need to do this?
Are you positive? Then also like, if this is what you decide, you can do it. I believe in you, you can do it. You know? Um, and so I think that you honestly are the saving grace in that moment not being considered traumatic to me, even though now as a doula and understanding what I understand now, and have again, been put in this situation with my own clients,
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah,
Vanessa: taught me how to react in those situations.
Um, that, yeah, like, it, it, it, it happened and
Aly Romot (she/her): yeah. And,
Vanessa: yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): doula, like, you know, what would you do in that situation now if that, if, if you were the doula walking into a spot, you know, like those are, those are tough advocacy moments in a really important like, sacred time of birth, right? Where you wanna protect your, your clients' autonomy and their wishes , but also not create some sort of, um. like, what's, what's your take on it, Vanessa? Like Yeah, we can look directly at our clients and say, are you sure? Like, that is part of our job too. Um, but then we, you know, what, what would you have done with the ob?
Vanessa: Um, I think now knowing what I know,
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah.
Vanessa: I,
Aly Romot (she/her): Like if that was like a Mount Carmel birth or
Vanessa: yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): know, a
Vanessa: So I have, I for Mount Carmel births, I feel like in my experience, 'cause this has come up, it's been brought up, but I honestly haven't had a client that was not okay with like, they had made the decision themselves to be on their back or
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah.
Vanessa: they, um, you know, we were doing side lying and I've had this conversation with clients and nurses together and nurses in agreement that like, we're super supportive of pushing in whatever position is comfortable.
And like we talk about that OB is not walking in until baby's crowning anyway. So let's do what you wanna do. But know that when the OB walks in the room, they will likely say this, they will likely suggest this and it's your choice. Um,
Aly Romot (she/her): That
Vanessa: and I think most.
Aly Romot (she/her): coersive.
Vanessa: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like kind of thinking more of like the proactive of like, this is going to come up.
So just know and trust your body and what feels good in that moment. Um, and then.
Aly Romot (she/her): can we argue too, like that people can prevent these, these. Pressure points in their labor by making sure that they're choosing the right provider and place of birth. So, you know, and I'm not, that's not a knock against you. Like don't know what we don't know. Right. At that time, I doubt I was, you know, being really vocal about, do you know if you're ob, that you fricking love is the only one who's gonna attend your birth?
Like that was something I learned. Over time that like, oh, there's huge practices that go to Riverside or Dublin or even OSU. and you know, Dr. X, y, Z, the who you love is not could, might not be on call. She ain't coming in for you, she ain't coming in for your birth unless she's on call. It's during the day. If there's people just watching this to listen to us and are pregnant or are thinking about getting pregnant, like your biggest decisions that will impact the outcome of your birth are your provider choice and where you are giving birth. Two biggest impacts, two biggest impacts.
Vanessa: Yep. And so important in fact that that's my freebie that I have as a whole guide on, learning what your priorities are, how you envision your birth, and guiding you through the differences between obs and midwife credentials and, how to look up stats on hospitals.
The questions to ask your provider in interviews, red flags and their answers, you know, late asking layered questions. And I just did an episode two with Daisy
Aly Romot (she/her): Mm-hmm.
Vanessa: um, how important it is to select your OB and that your typical, gynecologist that you see for your annual exams.
Aly Romot (she/her): Might
Vanessa: not, yeah, does not need to be.
Your OB and quite often might not be the best fit as an OB for you, depending on your preferences.
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah.
Vanessa: Uh,
Aly Romot (she/her): also if we look at, you know, history and understand why most people are with obs, obstetricians versus midwives, it's,
Vanessa: mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): boils down to racism. And so if we are a low risk person, um, getting pregnant, we have a low risk pregnancy, we really should be with midwifery care. And then our OB partners come in if our situation arises to those medical needs.
So obstetricians are really great surgeons. They're really great when we have high risk pregnancies, high risk labors, high risk births, if we need birth moves to the or. Yes, I want that surgeon, that obstetrician, but if I'm having a normal physiological birth, the norm is midwifery care. And that's a really hard mind shift for Americans because that isn't our culture and it's based in racism.
And so there's, you know. I could go on and on about that. Um, but if you look at other countries, midwifery is the norm. And then our OB partners come in if we need to. So people are watching this look up like the benefits of midwifery care and you're gonna see that they have better outcomes for moms and babies and have lower rates of surgical birth and interventions, it's just going to take some time to grow that, those midwifery numbers because, did such a great job in the past eradicating midwifery because of our inherent racism in our country.
The roots of that. So interesting. It's very interesting to me.
Vanessa: Yes. Yeah, and like you said, we could probably do an entire podcast
Aly Romot (she/her): could,
Vanessa: that.
Aly Romot (she/her): we could, we could, but we would have to call in some friends.
Vanessa: Yes. Um, okay, so. Circling back to Rhett is born, he's on my chest. Um, something else, again, the timing around this, but I just remember that I did tear and I remember the, everybody always talked about like, oh, it's so blissful and like, you just have your baby on your chest and like, you're just so enamored with them that like you don't feel anything else or you don't realize what else is going on.
And, um, she was stitching me up and it was so painful that I, I just couldn't focus on anything else. Um, and I don't remember if there was like pushback or like, she just didn't believe me or like, what, but she kept going for a while before she gave me another shot.
Aly Romot (she/her): Which was wrong then. I don't have notes about that,
Vanessa: I feel like.
Aly Romot (she/her): I have that. I, I kind of stepped back at that point and I'm sitting in the corner.
Vanessa: Okay. And like, again, maybe I'm just remembering, like, I just remember feeling really painful. I remember vocalizing how painful it was and she did eventually give me another, dose of lidocaine,
Aly Romot (she/her): So, know, another good just, you know, thing for even partners or doulas, like if someone is unmedicated and then they need, a repair, it should not feel sharp and things like that. If it does and we need to give more lidocaine, like we are, need to numb them more, we need to give that medicine time to sink in.
And we needed to just be patient. It should not feel painful or pinchy should it feel Kind of like, have you, I tried to describe it this way, you know, when you were a kid and you would take like your grandmother's sewing needle and you would sew through the, the portion of your skin on like your fingers.
You like, you know what I'm talking about. And you, it doesn't necessarily like hurt, but it's kind of uncomfortable and you feel the, the, the it go through. It should feel similar, uncomfortable to that, maybe a little bit more, but it should not be pinchy. And so if we're pinchy, then our providers need to stop, listen. Give us some more numbing and wait and let that settle in and like walk us through it and go slower. We do not need to bear through pain when we're being stitch up after childbirth.
Vanessa: Yeah. I remember eventually then it was like there was enough lidocaine and I, I was fine, but in the, the beginning I was like, I was not prepared for that feeling in that moment in terms of that intensity. Also, I'm forgetting what Rhett's APGAR score was, but I do know that they did end up taking him to the warmer at a certain point for, I remember them suctioning, I think, on my belly.
But at one point he was taken away from me and Brian was with him at the warmer while they did whatever they needed to do, quote unquote needed
Aly Romot (she/her): I wrote it down. It was eight.
Vanessa: eight. Okay. So it was nothing, I mean, he was looking a little purpley, I think.
Aly Romot (she/her): Which is normal. So I
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): nurse takes baby after two or three minutes and says she needs to clear lungs out. Process takes three minutes. So let's, let's talk about that. I actually don't
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): that at all, but I wrote it in my notes. So, you know, this, this is not evidence-based
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): the only reason that like his APCO score was eight, like to clear out his lungs.
I, I, I, and I just wrote, he was suctioned. That could have been done on you,
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): done on Vanessa. And like we know that now that we can say, can these things be done on me? But at Riverside at the time, and I've seen this since then, there are some nurses, and I saw one train, another nurse and tell her specifically, oh, it's just easier to take the baby to the warmer and like do our our checks and clear them out instead of like doing it on mom.
This is not evidence-based. Baby should stay on mom, at all costs at, if it
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): for baby to stand mom, they can get anything suctioned that they may need. They can get their APGAR there. Like they don't need to go the warmer unless a medically necessary. Those are also good things to be asking educators or doulas about your hospital systems.
And I don't wanna necessarily like rake Riverside through the, the coals. I think, we can see this at other hospitals too. I think Riverside has come a long way. With their openness to more physiological births and birth preferences. So I, I will give them kudos for that. Um, yeah, I, I, I've seen it a couple times with clients there and thought, oh, why wait, why is this happening?
And I didn't realize that that happened to you. So his APGAR was eight.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Yeah, and I'm trying to remember, so that was only a few minutes he was brought back to me.
Aly Romot (she/her): Yep.
Vanessa: And I think another topic to discuss too is that I chose to formula feed from day one. And so that was also, part of this postpartum piece here that if you are choosing to breastfeed, that golden hour, you know, this settle in time.
Like that's when, we would encourage baby to initiate latch and, start that process, which was not a part of my story because that's not, that's what I chose.
Aly Romot (she/her): correct.
Vanessa: Um, and even that was, I don't know, I feel like I,
Aly Romot (she/her): dismissive. The OB asked why,
Vanessa: mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): and I, I wrote about it. Do you wanna see what I, you wanna hear what I wrote? I had actually forgotten that I, this I obstetrician man, OB asked in a disappointed manner why she's not breastfeeding. She told you to send the baby to the nursery so you can sleep. I took pictures while this happened and was frustrated with the response from the doctor when the client said they are not, when they are, that the client said they are formula feeding. Like our providers should not be questioning our informed choices this is silly. And, it was rude. And obviously we've already discussed some, some things that this OB
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): questionable.
Vanessa: I don't remember that specifically, but I remember now that you mention it, I, it is recalling my memory about that. And then just like other comments that she had, I think at that point I had already kind of just dismissed her, you know, like, I don't really care what your opinion is now.
There were just clearly signs that like, she was not aligned with my preferences from the beginning and I just didn't care what, what she thought. Um, but yeah, so I guess all of that too, that is why choosing not just your provider, but the practice they're within and the hospital they're in, is so important because the likelihood that you'll actually have your chosen provider at your birth, it's much less than a hundred percent. There's a high likelihood that somebody else will be showing up. And so just make sure that you're, that you're aligned. But all of that to say that stepping away and now, I mean Rhett's five and a half, and I, , birth doula, childbirth educator, all of all of the things I know now, I view my birth as, as so empowering. It was redemptive to me, sandwiched between a difficult endometriosis journey and infertility, and then a difficult postpartum period. That looking back on that all, even though there were interventions and there was some not great comments made by a provider, I felt informed enough and was given space enough to make a decision for myself.
I did not walk away with birth trauma
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah.
Vanessa: compared to some of the other things that happened along my journey,
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah,
Vanessa: is a lot of, what brought me here today.
Aly Romot (she/her): yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Vanessa: thank you.
Aly Romot (she/her): it's funny being a doula and reflecting on your own births.
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): Like, I remember learning, about my hypnobirthing educator at the time, didn't talk about some of the choices or things that were going to happen to me in a hospital system. One of those being Pitocin after birth.
Vanessa: Yes.
Aly Romot (she/her): I didn't feel like I had a good handle on that. And um, I kind of felt like I just let that happen to me, even though I had like uncomplicated unmedicated births and like, looking back, I'm like, I didn't really need that. But no one asked me. Either it was just kind of like, oh. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm fine.
My baby's out. Like, do whatever you need to do to me. And now I'm kinda like, whoa, that's interesting. I have a very different opinion now. And I'm not saying Pitocin after birth is a bad thing. It's just, you know, like if the, if I had known more, right.
Vanessa: Right, right. Or at least been told that it was happening or given the choice. 'cause same even with my doula clients, you know, we'll have that conversation. Like they, they're going to do this afterward. Are you okay with that? Do you consent to that? So that I know. 'cause a lot of times, like you said last night, they just start it out of routine.
They, it, sometimes it's not even a conversation or they, they don't even tell you they're doing it. They just hook it up and start pumping it. Especially if you've already, you know. And hooked up to all the things. They just push the other button and start pumping and like, you might not even realize it.
And a lot of times the women are like, yeah, whatever. Now the baby's out.
Aly Romot (she/her): Right, right. And you know, a lot of times, you know, pit after birth is a good idea. Um, but I really strongly believe that like, if anything is being done or put into our bodies, that we should have the right to consent and give you the informed yes or no. Even if it is a good or bad idea, right? Like isn't, that's a whole idea behind informed consent.
I know my options, I know my choices, and then I can say yes or no and I'm making the decision and it's not being done to me. Yeah, there's just, there's just so much here, right? There's so much to learn . It's helpful to have doulas and education courses and I think that's why we both do what we do,
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): to make sure that we can help people have more positive, empowered experiences, no matter the outcome.
Right. I had one of like the, the best cesarean I've ever had at the end of last year. And some people would say like, oh, it was a cesarean, but I'm like, yeah, but like everyone, like we all circled that mom and that dad and like everyone accommodated them. I was in the, or , we made this a positive birth and it was a birth. so yeah, it's just, matters.
Vanessa: Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess I don't know where to go from here, so, yeah, so Rhett was born and, yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): He was, he was born. I wrote, under my notes, I learned that I also need to care for myself during these long births. I ate one meal, but I did not drink enough water. And I have to think more consciously about that next time. So funny, things after like, oh, it makes sense.
Vanessa: Yeah. You were there a while, but from start to finish, in my mind, I say 36 hours basically from when,
Aly Romot (she/her): Lemme see.
Vanessa: when my water first broke at work Mm-hmm.
to, to then when he was born Mm-hmm.
and if he was born. Yeah. Whatever that calculation is. Uh, in my mind it's, I've been using 36 hours, so.
Aly Romot (she/her): And I was there 22.
Vanessa: Okay. You little baby doula you and you've been the one to tell me she's not in active labor. Go home now and 28 hours later.
Aly Romot (she/her): different though. Like how would we have known though, you know what I mean? Like even today going to a birth with someone with, you know, an endo warrior that's not feeling strong contractions that have an IUPC, like that's a little, that's intimidating.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): I probably would stay even today.
Vanessa: Well, thank you.
I do always like to close with, birth worker episodes. the same question, and that is what keeps you passionate and motivated, to stay in the field of birth work?
Aly Romot (she/her): What keeps me passionate and motivated?
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): Ooh, I don't know. I think, I think the passion is just there. I, I really, really love seeing clients have empowered births where they were centered and heard and respected. My motivation, I. I guess that like, can I help more people? Can I spread the word That birth can look differently than the way it is presented in the media and our hospital systems. Like the more women and couples I can help take back birth the better. The louder I am here, the more I can uplift the voices of our black and brown doulas. And help, support them. Work Is super important and the way we give birth impacts that baby and it impacts the rest of our lives.
And so if I can be like a small nugget of, of positivity there, then this feels really purposeful.
Vanessa: And that's beautiful. Thank you.
Aly Romot (she/her): I got.
Vanessa: That's all I got two hours later
Aly Romot (she/her): Oh my God. I dunno
Vanessa: and I know you could keep going. You could keep going for a whole season. Aly you are just a wealth of information and experience and I appreciate, everything you've taught me and everything you model as a local doula here in Columbus. And yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): do. Yeah. I appreciate it. It's fun. It's weird feeling like when I got into this, there were these super longstanding doulas and I just wanted to be around them as much as I can and soak them up. And I'm so thankful that some of them allowed me to do that. And so I really enjoy doing that for other doulas that are just walking into this just like I did, right? They all have like little babies and they're like, I wanna be a doula.
And I'm like, great, if you have a good heart and that heart of the doula, let me help you, let me give you what was given to me and we pass along this knowledge and make birth a better place in Columbus. So, and you're doing that and it's frigging amazing. It's crazy to have doula clients be doulas. It boggles
Vanessa: Yeah. How does that feel? How many doula clients have become doulas for you,
Aly Romot (she/her): Um, you, um.
Vanessa: Keeara
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah, well, Keeara took class.
Vanessa: Oh, that's true.
Aly Romot (she/her): I'm trying to think if there's another client. Client. There's been several others who have definitely drank the Kool-Aid and then not,
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): or thought that they would do it. Oh, there actually, there is another one.
But she just gave birth to her second baby, so that doula journey is on hold. But yes, so, so two, and then I've had the opportunity to be a doula for a doula, um, times within our groups as you know,
Vanessa: Yeah.
Aly Romot (she/her): maybe like four or five other doulas where I've been their doula, which has just been like really fun, but also like extremely, it's, it feels like a lot of pressure.
Vanessa: Mm-hmm. I can imagine So.
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah, I think about like , doulaing, like Len Huff, right?
Vanessa: Mm-hmm.
Aly Romot (she/her): like beautiful, empowered, very confident woman, and it's her second baby and she's a doula that was like intimidating being at her birth almost. Because I'm like, why do you need me? Or You're, you're a great doula, you're fine. And witnessing Kat's, beautiful home birth as a first mom giving birth at home. And Kat came and virtually talked to a group of home birthers who took my hypnobirthing. And it was so fun to like. You know, it's been a year since Ember's been born and like listening to her just be like this whole new confidence about birth and, listen to her reflect on her journey was really, really fun for me.
So, yeah. And our girl Lindsay, like, yeah, it's just a joy. Like what, I don't know, like what a better way to build bond with other women than to with your doula or with your clients. It's just awesome. I'm sure you feel the same about your clients. It's just, it's just really special.
Vanessa: It is. Yeah. And I think something that's so unique about the Mount Carmel program too is that we don't meet prenatally we essentially walk in as strangers and we leave with a bond that's inexplicable. And you know, I still sometimes get photo texts, you know, updates of babies and stuff. And I have over here my, my doula board over there with like all like the little notes and mail I get and
Aly Romot (she/her): love that. Yeah,
Vanessa: some stuff.
And some of my yoga stuff is up there now. But yeah, it's just,
Aly Romot (she/her): It's
Vanessa: it's,
Aly Romot (she/her): It's great. It's, yeah, it's what we do. I bet I'll be at a birth this weekend and I'll be super tired and, but I'll be happy.
Vanessa: it is all worth it in the end.
Aly Romot (she/her): Yeah, it is, it is. Okay. Bye
Vanessa: okay. Bye.
Thank you so much for spending time with me today. I hope you found this episode helpful and encouraging on your journey. Don't forget to hit subscribe so you never miss a future episode. And if you enjoyed today's conversation, I'd be so grateful if you left a quick review. It helps others find the show.
For more information, resources, and links mentioned in this episode, be sure to check out the show notes. You can also connect with me on instagram@breathandbirth.co for more support and inspiration. Until next time, remember. You've got this, and you're never alone in this journey.
